The last few weeks have really got me thinking , Cork woman Karen Buckleys life taken , In Glasgow this week and the harrowing trial where we heard of Elaine O Haras final hours and indeed the months preceding her death. What has struck me is the questioning of the victims actions. Why did Karen leave her friends and go back to this mans house ? Why did Elaine O Hara choose a BDSM relationship. Are the public and media here missing the point?
You should be allowed to have drinks and go back to a mans house and not fear that you will be murdered.
You should be allowed to have sexual preference for a certain type of activity without the fear of ending up dead.
Neither of these women were wrong. The men that murdered them were. Let’s be absolutely clear on that.
And anyone that has not made a bad or wrong decision then bully for you, I hope you stay that way forever. Blaming the victim is never right and these two innocent women have paid the ultimate price. May they rest in peace , without fear of judgment, and their families be allowed to grieve for the ones they lost, not the latest news story or water cooler debate, but actual people. Both worked caring for other people , Elaine a childcare worker , Karen a nurse.
People are allowed to say no. They allowed to change their mind about things and decide no. People that don’t respect boundaries or understand no, they are the ones that are wrong. Respecting boundaries is a big part of being a decent human being.
So Elaine and Karen may you rest in peace without judgement or character assassination. And may we remember you both for the reasons your families do, not the ” story” or ” circumstance”.
These are just two cases most recently where people questioned the victims. That’s not okay. Ever.