The Frenemy ..

I want to start this piece by saying that I don’t in any way believe that I am a perfect person, or have a perfect life I do however believe that I am a good friend ( note I didn’t say perfect). I am a good friend on a one to one basis though. I don’t play my friendships or relationships out too much on social media and loathe the are you OK hun ? mentality that has become so popular ( I don’t mind if that is how other people want to roll but it’s not very me) . I have found in the past I tend to retreat from social media completely when I am upset or troubled which thankfully isn’t often. I rarely get jealous either, in fact I have noticed that one of the only things that makes me jealous is food. For example I am at home having a stir fry, a Facebook friend checks into Tung Sing and they are having a curry. OK maybe when people are having wine too. But you see the pattern? I am never jealous when people go on nice holidays or fit into an outfit I can never wear, you know why? I like seeing other people happy, because I am. I am content. Would I like to win the lotto and be a size ten? Hell yeah.

Call me naive but in recent times I have discovered that this is not only an urban legend but a real life thing.I always thought the Frenemy was invented by magazines like Cosmo to make women feel validated in removing toxic people from their circle ( which by all accounts is the RIGHT THING to do).

A series of events lately has really clicked this into place. I have a few really close girls in my life, ones that have been friends for twenty plus years, ones I would call at any stage if I was deeply in need of a soundboard or a shoulder to cry on. I am also fortunate enough to have friends that I know four or five years that are just excellent people. Women that are strong, intelligent and successful in their field of work or personal lives.  What happens though when you discover that someone has been talking about you behind your back? Saying stuff that makes them look like a victim, or that you are just a really crap friend?

I truly believe social media has created this type of envious monster and you know what? There is literally nothing you can do except distance yourself and move on.

 

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It’s awkward, it’s hard to tell and it’s hella confusing but once you see it , you cannot unsee it. You have a “friend” that really only wants to be around you when you are less successful, less attractive (probably why i have so many pals hahaha!) or less desirable in general. By desirable I don’t mean to the opposite sex ,that is a whole other blog.I mean when you have a hectic social life,a good work life balance or a great circle of friends.   I had a really interesting lunch with a friend I have through the whole blogging / media world and she pointed this out to me. It hit me like a baseball bat would in the face, but with no bloodshed just a pain in my stomach where concern once lived.

Lets talk about friendship, friends are supposed to be our cheerleaders, the honest go to people that we share secrets, hopes dreams and occasionally our problems. For anyone lucky enough to have a good role model in a mother or sister ( I had both) this is probably where you get your ideals of what your girlfriends should be. I am excluding males from this scenario, because although they can be bitchy ( a word I hate BTW) they generally are less competitive and more straight talking. A guy will just call you out on nasty or bad behavior.  Lets be frank here, friends are the people that you have to encourage you but are not here to feed your ego. If you are looking for that type of person then you are looking for a lapdog not a friend and I’d gently suggest you set them up on a payroll because life is ya know busy and stuff. Listen for the friends that clap for you though, and the ones that are notably silent on your successes however small they are.

Friends are the family that you chose for yourself but it is always worth remembering that when you take out the letter R you are left with the word fiend which is what many of them are once you dig a little deeper. Do yourself a favour and dig them a path…. out of your life.

Keep shining bright….

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